They say there’s a first time for everything…

I’m sure that y’all remember your first beer, first kiss, first Iron Maiden record (Number of the Beast FTW!) and so on, but there are some firsts that aren’t quite so pleasant.

Yesterday was the first time I had to pay customs on a package arriving from the States.  It fucking sucked.

Long before I became StonerRock.com’s Official Canadian Correspondent, I had been a frequent buyer from the All That’s Heavy music store.  For heavy rock fans, it’s truly the Holy Grail.  Where else can you get records from Acid King, Fatso Jetson and Thrones, all in the same place?  I sometimes hafta look elsewhere for true doom, but otherwise, they’ve got me covered.

Now, when I make a purchase from All That’s Heavy, I don’t just buy one album.  I usually spend enough money that they write personal thank-yous on my invoice, and throw in freebies from MeteorCity’s back catalogue.  (Latest offering: Galley of Mites – Bugs on the Bluefish, a 10-man supergroup with guys from Monster Magnet, Solace and enough guitar players to make Anton Newcombe jealous.)  That being said, I have never had to pay customs on anything I’ve ordered from ATH, not even when I went nuts at their last summer sale.

In fact, I don’t recall ever paying customs for anything I’ve purchased online, whether it be CDs, DVDs or sports memorabilia.  Apparently, the fine folks who protect our country from mail bombs don’t get their backs up over music, sporting equipment or videotapes.  At least until now.

I suppose that having over 100 dollars worth of merchandise in a package the size of a woman’s shoebox might have aroused suspicions at the border.  It didn’t help that every CD in the box was from Japan, a country with a history  of aural terrorism that’s almost as close to North Korea as Alaska is to Russia.  (Hey, Boris is coming to town next month, and when was the last time you saw Eternal Elysium or Church of Misery on the shelves anywhere?)  Maybe Dan forgot to put a Prepaid Customs sticker on the box, though I can’t remember whether he did so on past purchases.  In any case, I had the rather unpleasant surprise of owing the government $10.23 when my package arrived.  There goes my 10% employee discount…

Fuck you Stephen Harper, fuck you up your right-wing asshole.  If your white-bread, family values candidate finishes fourth instead of their customary third in Trinity-Spadina next election, you’ll have me to thank, cocksucker.  Ignatieff woulda personally delivered the package to me by bus if he was PM!  (No, I don’t really believe that…)

Peace,

Greg

P.S.: Still going through my shipment of Japanese goods, but Smokin’ Green will feature tons of tunes from Tokyo West (East?) tonite.  You can expect to hear some Black Mountain, Bison B.C., Mendozza, D.O.A., Subhumans and Dayglo Abortions, along with every single doom metal album ever released by Metal Blade.  (All four of them!)  Be sure to tune in from 1 till 3 am at 88.1 fm on yer radio, channel 947 on yer TV or www.ckln.fm on yer computer!

Gruesome Greg

Seahawks/Stamps/Flames/Zags/Jays/Raptors fan and lifelong metal head with a beer gut and a self-deprecating sense of humour. Reviewer/blogger (Yon Senior Doomsayer) for Hellbound.ca.