By Keith Carman
How sad is it when someone under the legal driving age is releasing their tertiary album? If signing to a record label was akin to dating in the “real world,” there would be some statutory rape charges surrounding Our Last Night. While that sounds harsh, when one considers that the band formed circa 2004 when their singer was a whopping 11 years old…well, you do the math.
At any rate, the experience that is We Will All Evolve holds about as much value as one can glean listening the ramblings of 16 year-old children waxing aggressively about the world and their (minimal) experiences within. Yet another case of toddlers ingesting the sick union between balls-out metal and does-it-have-any-balls screamo, We Will All Evolve suffers from insanely powerful heavy moments akin to metalcore’s more muscular contributors but quickly devolves into faltering bouts of off-kilter melodies striving to offer the album some semblance of sing-alongs. Predictably, nonetheless.
While these exact aspects will surely impress the current pimply-faced record buying ‘tweens, it will inevitably prove to be about as enduring as acid wash jeans and those fucking UGG boots. Disgustingly impressive technically—especially for such fresh faces—yet clearly too insecure to deliver anything of substance beyond the occasionally beefy chug riff, We Will All Evolve is more forgettable syrup from a sordid May/December relationship.
(Epitaph)
Review: 3.0
