The Return of… Kevi Metal’s Rimshots (August 2012 edition)
Back again by popular demand, it’s the one, the only Kevi H Metal and his Rimshot reviews! A long standing Hellbound favourite returns.
Rimshots
KEVI METAL’S RIMSHOTS – THE ALL-VINYL VERSION
Hi friends. It’s been a while. I know it. Sean certainly knows it. You, on the other hand, probably didn’t even notice I was gone. That’s okay. In my absence, I heard a rumour that some people have reaffirmed a love affair with vinyl. Some of these people even own turntables! Fucking crazy!! So, in salutary notion to those of you keeping it real and the labels who graciously send us their latest releases on varying colours of wax, I present the all-vinyl edition of Rimshots.
Hellbound Staff Interrogations #18: Jay H. Gorania
Installment #18 of our staff interviews is with transplanted Canadian Jay H. Gorania, who gave up Saskatchewan for Texas. Go figure!
KEVI METAL’S RIMSHOTS V. 2 #4: MARYLAND DEATHFEST 2010 EDITION
Here’s the scene: Hellbound’s old man posse – myself, photographer/CD pillager Albert and our fearless leader Sean – have found ourselves in a Motel 6 in suburban Baltimore, our digs for the duration of our time at the Maryland Deathfest. That this joint looks like a cross between 1970s IKEA and the set of the first Alien movie, is of no bearing or consequence, but I it was bizarre and needed to be mentioned. One morning, Albert emerged sporting a long sleeve shirt of the old Sounds of Death magazine. SOD was known for a few things, the most conspicuous was editor David Horn’s enthusiastic reviews in which album were rated on a “skull scale” out of ten, with the most raging of records scoring a brutal “10 fucking skulls out of 10.”
So, without further distraction, here’s what I thought of the bands I saw at MDF, reviewed in classic SOD style.
KEVI METAL’S RIMSHOTS v.2 #3
The music world is filled with similar smoke and mirrors acts. We’re told over and over and over again that so-and-so’s new album is the one that’ll re-define the genre. How many times have you heard in the last couple years that this-and-that’s “stunning” comeback album is “highly anticipated” and their best yet? Better than Bonded by Blood? Not bloody likely! The lies haven’t stop piling up since the music industry released its ad campaign for Elvis’ second record and this month’s Rimshots lifts the veil, cuts through the crap and saves you some money and/or hard drive space.
KEVI METAL’S RIMSHOTS v.2 #2
Welcome to the second installment of the snarky, irreverent world of Rimshots, reconstituted for the online world that is Hellbound.ca. Enjoy them, because I know I didn’t. After suffering through this crop of crap, all I have to ask is: Sean, dude, what did I ever do to you?!
THE RETURN OF KEVI METAL’S RIMSHOTS!
Those of you who were disciples to Adrian Bromley’s Unrestrained! are well familiar with Rimshots. Those of you who read Decibel (and there’s absolutely no reason not to!) may have noticed a similar, digital-age inspired endeavour entitled ‘Tweets for Twats.’ Those of you old enough to remember will notice how I ripped this idea off from Ron Quintana’s ‘Ron’s Retarded Record Reviews’. What happens is that I review new releases using two or three sentences max. Act like a wiseass and, sometimes, hilarity ensues.